


Your Reason To Be

by leeum



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, Genderswap, girl!Liam - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-16
Updated: 2014-01-16
Packaged: 2018-01-08 22:01:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1137897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leeum/pseuds/leeum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Liam’s eighteen; her life hadn’t even begun yet, and now she was already responsible for another. And it was all because her and Zayn had been in the heat of the moment and they forgot to get a damn condom."</p><p>It's been said that Liam and Zayn have the perfect relationship. Their relationship has been completely flawless since they day they met. Not even Zayn's celebrity status could get in the way of their love. Liam's been living in a dream since she's been with Zayn, but her world has been completely flipped from a mistake. A simple irresponsible move leading to disaster. Instead of being honest with Zayn, Liam is going to be the selfless person she always is and try to handle the situation all on her own. Even though she's stuck in an uncontrollable pit of darkness without Zayn, the love of her life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your Reason To Be

_Heart beats harder_   
_Time escapes me_   
_Trembling hands, touch skin_   
_It makes this harder_   
_And the tears stream down my face…._

"I know you’re hurt right now, but I am too. This was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but I just want you to be happy. Because Babe, you deserve all the happiness in the world." she promised the starry sky in front of her. As if, somehow, he could hear her, or at least feel her emotions, like she could almost feel his pain right now.

————————————————————

As she rubbed her tired eyes, the small girl rolled out of bed. It’s not like she got any sleep, though. Then again, she didn’t expect to after what happened last night. 

Liam’s eighteen; her life hadn’t even begun yet, and now she was already responsible for another. And it was all because her and Zayn had been in the heat of the moment and they forgot to get a damn condom. She can’t stop thinking about how irresponsible they were; there was probably a condom somewhere in the room, but they didn’t even care enough to walk a few feet to get it. 

And now, she was dealing with the consequences. 

Which was why she was here at her family’s lake house in the first place. She hadn’t been here since the summer, but it had always been her safe haven. And right now, she needed that more than anything. 

She still had an extremely guilty conscience for just leaving and not telling Zayn, especially since she knew how he has the tendency to worry about her. Still, she was looking out for his best interest. She wouldn’t dare to bring such a big responsibility onto him and shatter the dreams that he’d been working for his whole life. But she knew she couldn't hide at the lake house forever. In the back of her mind, she knew she would have to face him eventually, but she preferred not to dwell on that. She couldn't even think about it without getting overwhelmed; it was just so... disappointing. 

It was the end of a perfect fairytale.

Liam gazed out the window, trying to ignore the pounding in her head. The same person she had been thinking about all night streamed into her thoughts again: Zayn. Something about that boy drove her absolutely insane, but in a good way. Whenever he was with her, it felt like a missing piece of a puzzle suddenly snapped into place. He was a cool drink of lemonade on a hot summer day. Or a cuddly warm blanket by the fire on a cold December night. She couldn’t put her finger on what it was that made her so mesmerized. Maybe it was his smile, his laugh, or his eyes… those dazzling, warm brown eyes. But regardless of what it was, it was doing one hell of a good job.

Liam managed to go through her normal morning routine, and everything seemed quite like any other day. But, she didn’t feel like herself. She felt empty and hollow on the inside. She'd been this way ever since she first laid eyes on the pregnancy test. All three of them, because Liam was in denial with two pregnancy tests telling her yes, but by the third one she was forced to believe the truth. The most unholy pink plus sign there ever was. The feelings she had when she first saw them crawled back into her mind, making her actually shiver a bit.

She shook all of her thoughts out of her mind with the wind blowing her hair, as she walked the trail down to the four wheelers, plopping on top of one. Liam has so many memories with these old wheelers. But the one that she looked upon most fondly was the time when she took Zayn to ride one for the first time. She remembered how terrified he was. He kept clinging to her waist and covering his eyes, burying his face into the crook of her neck. But after they were a little further down the trail, he was smiling and laughing. Liam had more fun watching Zayn enjoy himself than she did actually driving it. And that was just the beginning of all the fun they’d had together.

As Liam began driving into the woods, she was instantly on a roll. She was driving swiftly, smoothly, and freely. The curly locks underneath her helmet were being blown in every direction, moving with the wind. And for a moment, she felt at peace. At least until flashbacks started drifting around the back of her mind, making it close to impossible to ignore them. It’s as if the air was fogged with memories of the boy she’d been in love with, and the trees whispered all of the dialogue that had been said between them.

She flashed back to the time that Zayn, the three boys who soon grew to be her brothers, and herself were all sitting on the porch of Harry and Louis’ house at about one in the morning, sharing a random, irrelevant conversation like always. When all of the sudden, raindrops began to thump them on the head. Immediately after, rain began pouring out of the gray clouds. So as any normal person would, Harry, Niall, and Louis all headed inside. But Zayn and Liam stayed there in the wet wonderland, taking each other’s hand and beginning to dance. And not just any dance; they did the type of dancing that was only ever seen in movies. But it was even better, because it wasn’t rehearsed. It was just the two of them, dancing to the rhythm of their own love. Zayn dipped and twirled her, and Liam danced around as if the wet pavement was her stage and she was a ballerina. The other boys watched them through the window, cheering and laughing at them. But it actually wasn’t that surprising, considering Liam and Zayn pulled these kind of stunts all the time. Once the pair finally put their dance scene to an end, they came in to find Harry had posted a video of their fun in the rain, and to see ‘#zaynandliamareactuallytroyandgabriella’ trending worldwide on Twitter.

Another flashback floated through her head, knocking her whole world off it’s axis. She thought of the time that Zayn and her had been at the park on one of the first days of Spring. It was one of the most beautiful days either of them had ever seen. Just the scenery alone was flawless; the dark green grass that rested beneath the bright white daisies and the gorgeous pink roses, the brightly colored playground across the field that was completely empty considering the children were all still in school, and the large trees had just gotten their thick, green foliage back, keeping everything shady and comfortable. To top it all off, the sun was shining over the whole scene, bright- but not blinding. It was amazing, every aspect of it. But it wasn’t just the environment that made the day beautiful; it was everything that happened. Zayn and Liam just had a lovely picnic and some deep conversation. They ended up telling each other some of their most precious secrets that have never been spoken. From crazy hopes of travelling the world, to songs that always got them to sleep. They already knew nearly everything about each other, but this just brought them even closer. After the homestyle picnic, Zayn got out a pocket knife and carved the tree to say ‘Liam + Zayn = Forever’ with a little heart. It was your ideal romantic movie gesture, but watching him struggle to carve the thick oak was quite a show for Liam. But she found his determination to do it absolutely magnificent, especially considering his determination with everything he did was one of her favorite qualities about him. Though he had so many qualities that she absolutely loved, it was quite difficult for her to pick favorites. The lovebirds stayed at the park until sunset, just talking, playing on children’s equipment,and running around in the grass field. Stupid things, really, but those stupid things were perfect. The most amazing stupid things in the history of stupidity.

Just as that lovely memory worked it’s way out of her mind, another one squeezed in. This memory in particular though, always had an emotional effect on her. It always reminded her how much Zayn cared about her, and thinking about that now made her whole existence feel numb. It all started the day right before Zayn was supposed to leave for a nine month tour. The couple was spending their last day together at the carnival, doing everything they could to make sure this day was absolutely flawless so they had an enchanting memory to leave off on. So many incredible moments happened that day, and the remembrance of them all lingers, and stains their heart as if it was tattooed onto their hearts. Like how Zayn spend a good twenty minutes doing everything in his power to win Liam that stuffed pink bunny, and the boy running the stand finally just gave it to him because he thought his dedication to her was quite admirable. Or, how they were on the very top of the ferris wheel for a good ten minutes, with the perfect view of Bradford right in front of their eyes. It was unreal how magnificent the view was, Liam got to watch Zayn grow a whole new appreciation for his small hometown. 

And while they were up there, Liam thought it’d be funny to rock the cart, and when Zayn went into kiss her regardless of what she was doing the two ended up bumping noses. That’s basically how the whole day went, just the two of them off in their own little universe having the time of their lives. But all good things must come to an end eventually, which is the reason why they were both the most hysterical they had ever been in their entire lives that night. They both tried to stay calm and think about all the positive times, but it was impossible. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t grasp the thought of going from seeing each other almost all day everyday, to struggling just to talk for an hour on Skype whenever possible. In between their cuddles and trying to comfort each other, Zayn got a call from Harry. Harry heard how hysterical both of them were, and came up with a simple solution. Bring Liam on tour with him. Harry was actually surprised the couple hadn’t decided on that in the first place, considering all the boys knew how close the two were and knew there was know way they’d be able to part for nine months. As soon as they got off the phone the two went directly from hysterics and misery to jumping on the bed, cheering at the top of their lungs.

As hard as she tried to shut her mind and shake off all her thoughts, Liam realized that the more she drove, the more they would occupy her mind. She decided to turn around, but by the time she got back the sky was a blanket of glamorous midnight blue with shimmering white stars resting gently on top of them. Even the atmosphere had a late-night feeling to it. Another idea popped into her head, and Liam darted back up to the house and swiftly changed into her swimsuit, heading for the Lake Of Fun. The title was pretty self-explanatory, too. It was impossible to go to the lake and not have the time of your life. Even the boys, who had explored the whole world, agreed that the most fun they've ever had was at the lake. Who wouldn’t have fun going for a dip in the middle of the night during a hot summer? Or going for an extreme dive off, which Louis won by doing a back flip that he didn’t even know he had the ability to do. So many amazing times had been made at that lake, and it would take forever and a day to name them all.

Sitting on the edge of the dock, Liam dipped her foot into the water, sending an icy chill up her spine. The same feeling she remembered crystal clear from diving in the same exact water with Zayn. It reminded her of how much she loved this lake as an escape from everything. The fans, the paparazzi, and the drama all disappeared when she was in the dark, slightly murky water. For once, it could just be her and the ones she loved. She needed that feeling again. She needed to escape the world. But she sure as hell knew she wasn't going to get that feeling again for a while. She felt her thoughts starting to swerve each and every way, making her feel clouded, vacant, just completely overwhelmed with emotions. She couldn’t take it. Liam was one of the strongest girls you’d ever meet, but this was too much. Finally, she did something she’s been trying to avoid all day. She let go and cried. Liam hated crying, she hated letting out any form of emotion. She was so used to being a closed book that she forced herself to believe that emotions were a sign of weakness, and being small. The only person who she ever opened up to was the person she was afraid would never want to speak to her again, never want to love her the way he always had so well.

"Liam…." a thick Northern accent said, gently breaking her of her clouded thoughts. She couldn’t believe her eyes when she shot her head up and saw the love of her life standing right in front of her. 

She had to blink a few times just to make sure it wasn’t a figment of her imagination. Without saying a word, Liam got up in the middle of her cries and leaped into Zayn’s arms, resting her head on his shoulder and crying even harder. Zayn’s large hands gently stroked her bare back, being the most comfort she’s had in a while. 

She wanted to stay like this forever; she wanted to have Zayn there to hold her and make her feel safe. Because she knew now that no matter how big the problem was, Zayn was going to be there to hold her and make things alright. She supposed, distantly, that she'd always known that, really; however, she was only able to realize it now. 

Liam removed her head from Zayn's strong shoulder and met his gaze. His dazzling eyes that were once sparkling and full of life were now bloodshot and puffy, making it clear to her that he hadn't been having much better of a day than she'd been having. 

Everything felt absolutely wrong to her; so, so wrong. 

She should have stayed and told him everything. Yes, it may have affected his career, but it wouldn’t completely shatter it. But what she should have done didn’t matter now; what mattered was that he was here with her again, the way that it should've always been. 

"I’m so sorry, I love you s..so much." Liam whimpered, gradually beginning to calm down. 

An assuring smile grew on Zayn’s face as he gently kissed her head. "I love you too, and don’t even start the apologies. Okay? You are my world, and our baby will be too. Yes, I know. It wasn’t hard to find either considering you left them at the top of the bin, yeah? We’re too young, that’s obvious. But we both already knew we were going to spend the rest of our lives together, so this is just an early start…" 

Zayn planted a passionate kiss on Liam’s lips, letting her know that everything would be okay. But barely a second went by after that before he ran and jumped into the lake, still carrying her bridal style. The freezing water splashed against her skin, and she let out a shriek mixed with a loud giggle. 

After everything that happened, Zayn still found a way to make her laugh. He could just turn a serious situation into smiles, and that’s one of the millions of things she loved about him. 

She turned to him and gave him the most heartfelt smile she had, "I love you so much!" she screamed. She wrapped her arms around him and gazed at him, their eyes connecting. She could see the shimmering starlight in his beautiful eyes, and all of the feelings came back to her. The feelings from the rainwater drenching them while they danced together, the feelings of her fingertips against the rough carving in the tree, the feelings from the irresistible kiss they shared at the top of the ferris wheel, and all the other feelings from the millions of special moments they had together. 

And at that moment Liam realized that maybe the baby wasn’t the end of their beautiful fairytale. In fact, maybe the baby was the start of a new chapter, filled with even more amazing adventures to come. But she wasn’t going to think about that now; she wasn’t going to put too much stress into the future. 

She was going to live in the present and take life day by day, because that’s what living was really about.


End file.
